It's a Miracle!

Thanks to Spring Break, a miracle has occurred:  I am finished with all grad school work for the week--on Tuesday!

(I had to choose the panda.  Like every other Amanda, I grew up with the nickname Amanda Panda.  So a panda doing a happy dance just seemed appropriate.)

Being An Adult

I am inordinately proud of myself today.  I am extremely non-confrontational.  I am a people pleaser and just want everyone to be happy--often at my expense.  I have had an issue in my personal life that has actually been causing me to lose sleep.  Even worse, it has caused bad feelings towards someone I like quite a bit.  Rather than addressing issues head-on, I've been letting them fester.  So today enough was enough.  I decided to use this issue as a growth opportunity and finally had that hard conversation.  And it turns out, it wasn't so hard after all!  The problem is resolved, at least for now, and I know that if something comes up in the future it is better to address it with clarity.  As my friend told me going into this, "clarity is kindness."

Indulgences

Today was a lazy day.  Spring Break officially starts tomorrow, and while I have quite the to do list ahead of me, I took the time to just rest for a bit. I went to church, which I enjoyed more than I can remember for a long time, and then I came home with my whole afternoon/evening ahead of me with nothing critically important to do. I have decided that there is nothing quite as indulgent as an afternoon nap.  Mine was longer than I had intended, and I probably thoroughly messed up my sleep schedule and will have to pay that piper, but it felt SO GOOD!  Then I played a game on my iPad for a little bit and actually read a book for fun.  I wasn't sure if I'd remember how to read for fun!   Overall a nice "recharge" day for the busy week ahead of me. 

No More Tears

As I read down the list of blog titles for the past week, I realized I was rather focused on tears.  Funny that I didn't notice it while writing, and in my defense, one of those posts did include happy tears as well.  Still--enough of that.  I got through my last day, and now I'm feeling ready to take on the challenges ahead of me with hope and optimism.  And find other things to write about.  So with that in mind...

I just finished watching the last season The Great British Baking Show on Netflix.  Every time I watch a season, I feel like I should start saying words like "chuffed" and "crack on."  Although, when I was talking about this at work and said chuffed, it just didn't sound right.  One definitely needs the accent, I think.  This also brings up an essential question for my life:  Now that I've gone through all the seasons, what do I do next???  I'm leaning towards rewatching.  :)

I went searching for a video of season 9 Ruby saying "crack on," just because I loved it so much.  Then I found this instead.  It's two of my favorite worlds colliding, and I just had to share.  And so I present to you:  Studio C Bake Off!

Packing Up and Moving On

It's hard sometimes to know if you made the right decision or not.  As I prepare to move to a new campus and take on new students in March of all times, questioning is probably inevitable.  I have cried for almost three days straight now.  I'm not even sure why.  I kept telling people at school today that I'm carrying on like someone I love has died.  Just ridiculous!  But I think when your world is turned upside in the span of 3 days, there just isn't enough processing time.  Thankfully, we are going into Spring Break, and I will get that much-needed time.  And with my last day behind me, I'm already gearing up mentally to face the considerable challenges ahead of me and just rock it.  So, the classroom pack up has begun, and it is time to move forward.

(If you're confused, read the previous post.  ;) )

Heavy

This week has been one of the heaviest I've faced in a very, very long time.  It hasn't been all bad, but it has been emotional.

On Monday I was approached by my Deaf Ed admin asking if I would be willing to fill a vacancy on our other elementary campus.  We are desperately understaffed at the moment, and we had yet another teacher have to leave through no fault of hers.  Life has twists and turns, and hers took a turn.  Even though it would take me away from my current students, these students probably needed me more.  At the end of the day, it was my decision to make, but I only had until Wednesday to make it.  The pros and cons list was frustratingly equal with no obvious answer.

Tuesday I stayed home because...grad school.  As hard as I tried, I fell behind.  I am almost never absent, and to do what needed to be done I knew I would need the whole day.  And it did.  I worked, and I thought about what to do.

Wednesday I was about to ready to leave when my dog jumped off the bed and started yelping in pain.  Last year she had a a back issue bad enough that I thought I might be saying goodbye.  She was put on pain meds and healed.  Since she was doing so much better, I decided against expensive testing.  Those issues came back this week, although it wasn't quite as bad as last time, thankfully.  This time I did have x-rays done.  We know what's wrong.  To cure it would require surgery, but the pain can be managed through medicine and she can have a great life that way.  So that's what I'm doing.  I'm a teacher...back surgery for a dog just isn't in my budget!

Taking care of the dog did take my Wednesday morning, so as I drove to work around noon, I was thinking about praying about my decision.  On the way to work I decided I would make the move.  It is going to be hard in so many ways, but I decided it was the best and right thing to do.  But it was with a very heavy heart, and I was a wreck the rest of the day.  I love my students as if they were own, and the thought of leaving them was heart-wrenching.

Today (Thursday) I started by doing a video for my grad school class.  I had to pull them during their large group time, which I hated, but I didn't have an option.  The lesson plan was written over 6 weeks time and submitted in parts multiple times.  It was written with this group in mind and approved for video.  It is due next week, but next week is our Spring Break.  On top of that, I made plans to go to my new school to observe what they currently do to try to make the transition as smooth as possible.  I will say, with everything going on, it was not my best teaching moment.  Hopefully it wasn't my worst, and I did good enough to get by.  I was lucky to not start crying during the video as I had been all morning. 

After doing the video, I told them that I would no longer be their teacher after Spring Break.  The moment I started speaking, I choked up.  They were so confused!  Even after I explained it, they were confused and asked me when I was coming back.  I have been absent so much this week that they thought it was just another absence.  So I told them I wasn't, but that I would be going to their graduation.  Then they asked if I would be at the 5th grade party.  I had to tell them no, although I assured them it wouldn't matter because they aren't even going to be paying attention to the teachers because they will be having too much fun.

Then I left yet again to go observe my new students.  They have challenges, and I needed to see what was being done now to make the transition as smooth as possible.  I continued the crying trend.  I've always been a crier, but this has been extreme even for me.  It has just been too much.  On top of all of that, I am also having some issues with a more personal matter that have been weighing on me.    It has just been too much.  But I know it's just a moment, and it will pass.  I will settle in, and I will love my students just as much as the ones I have now.  But for this moment, I cry.

Empty

  Have you ever had so much going on that your brain just collapses under the weight of all the thoughts and you have none left?  That is how I feel tonight.  I have changes at work, a hurt dog, grad school (always grad school!), and some personal issues that require me to do something I do not like to do--confront.  And now the clock is staring me down, telling me I simply must go to bed in 30 minutes. Sitting down to write in this condition is borderline impossible.  More will be coming.  There is much to explain.  But for now...I am empty.